We strive to share simple concepts and tactics that people can use in their work and home lives. As part of the VIP Way we present our 9 expectations that we believe should be lived out in the workplace (and at home) and one of those is "Communicate With Excellence". When I developed this part of the curriculum I thought of real people who I viewed as excellent communicators and then tried to capture the commonalities across those people.
One of the commonalities was that these people avoided "accusatory statements".
What is an accusatory statement? Simply put, it's a statement that puts the other person on the defensive immediately, almost as if we are pointing our finger at the other person saying "you've deliberately done something wrong and you don't even care". For example, if I approach my boss and say "you're trying to get me to quit" or "you've had it out for me since day one", those kinds of statements will likely result in equally harsh or dismissive responses like, "what in the world are you talking about?, you're so sensitive about everything, or "suck it up, buttercup!". Unfortunately, we've all seen this type of situation unfold.
Excellent communicators will avoid these situations and I've seen a few proven methods that work. One successful approach is to never let situations fester so that the likelihood of an accusatory statement is reduced dramatically. If, for example, you start to feel as if your boss is giving you unreasonable deadlines for projects, not communicating with you, etc. then address those situations early, and in a respectful manner.
At home, we also see situations like this. For example, perhaps a husband has allowed frustration to build to a boiling point, and then says to his wife something like "you must love your job more than me and the kids" or "you never think about me", which will often result in a disrespectful (or sarcastic) response like "fine, I'll just quit my job and we can hang out all day long! or an equally accusatory statement like "thanks for just putting more pressure on me!". An excellent communicator will not wait for things to blow up, and instead will say something respectful like, "I miss you" or "I feel like you have a lot on your mind, can I help?" instead of "accusing".
When we avoid accusatory statements, the chances of constructive conversations and real resolutions skyrocket. We've all been on the giving and receiving ends of these accusatory statements, and like everything we do at Jon Harrison, we want to share "real life" situations to help others along the way.
Comments